|
>
Back to Newsletter Archive
Forest Cottage Centre Email Newsletter:
May 2003
"Offering Help and Hope."
In this issue:
A Note From the Coach
Getting Extended Family to Understand: The Need for
Support and Understanding
One of the most painful aspects for parents of challenging
children is the lack of support they often experience
from members of their extended family and longtime
friends.
In addition to constantly feeling under attack by
their child, parents must also worry about being misunderstood
and judged by those closest to them. Children
trying to triangulate can be exceptionally skilled
at escalating existing tensions and providing misinformation.
To help extended family understand the challenges
the child poses for the parents, I suggest that parents
provide education and training. This may include
lending books and videos, hiring a professional to
provide a private mini-workshop or sponsoring family
to attend local training events, or writing an informative
letter to explain your parenting plan. It helps
if this is available before a problem develops.
That said, family may still judge parents harshly
and refuse to see the nature of the child's problems
or believe the diagnosis. At that point, parents
may have to withdraw from ongoing contact, at least
for awhile, and get their support from those who understand.
The focus should be on maintaining the health of the
immediate family members, even at the expense of relationship
with extended family. It is difficult to fight
a war within the home, as well as one without.
Extended family (and others) must remember that
if they are not for the parents, they are
against them. In the ongoing struggle to keep
the child from taking total control of the home, there
is no middle ground.
Here are some ways that family members can help:
-
Believe the parents. Listen
with open ears and hearts. Lift the load,
don't add to it!
-
Communicate to the parents that
you think they are capable, responsible, and loving.
-
Do not question or criticize the
parents in the child's presence.
-
Remember that adopted and foster
children brought their problems with them when they
arrived in their new homes.
-
Have compassion for what the children
may have suffered in past, but also realize that
they are no longer being abused or neglected.
Do not allow their experiences to become excuses
for poor behaviour or lack of responsibility in
the present.
-
Give gifts to lighten the load
- gift certificates for massages, a date night,
or babysitting.
-
Recognize that parents need to
have different rules and expectations for each child
in their home.
-
Give the family extra support or
extra space when they need it. Ask them to
tell you what they need.
Extended family is an important avenue of support
for all families with challenging children.
The more onboard they are, the more success every
family can have.
– Tanya Helton, M.Sc., Life Coach
FREE RESOURCE
On June 11, 2-3 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, I will
host a teleclass on "Getting Extended Family
to Understand: Challenges and Triumphs."
Up to 30 people can register for this free class by
telephone. Participants will receive a free
sample letter to provide to extended family.
To register send an email to: Tanya@ForestCottageCentre.com
with your name and location, and Extended Family in
the subject line.
Upcoming Workshops
We are currently finalizing upcoming workshop details.
Stay tuned!
New Newsletter Format
We have switched to a HTML format. To receive
the newsletter in text only format, please subscribe
by visiting our website or sending an email to the address
below.
|
About Forest Cottage
Centre
Forest Cottage Centre provides
attachment-based support for parents of severe behaviour
or special needs children, attachment Disorder resources
and training and workshops for professionals working
with challenging children. Services include individual
and group sessions, workshops and retreats.
© 2003 Forest Cottage
Centre. All rights reserved. You are free to use material
from this newsletter in whole or in part, as long
as you include complete attribution and copyright
information, including live web site link and email
link. Please also notify Forest Cottage where and
when the material will appear.
Comments or questions? Contact
Tanya Helton, M.Sc., Life Coach at Forest Cottage
Centre Inc.
Phone Toll-Free 1-877-261-6361
Tanya@ForestCottageCentre.com
www.ForestCottageCentre.com
|
