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Forest Cottage Centre Email Newsletter: January 2004

In this issue:

• The Top 5 Ways to Solve Problems & FREE resource
• Upcoming Workshops & Moms' Retreat
• Resource SALE
  

One of the most primary jobs as a parent coach is to help clients identify problems and brainstorm potential solutions. Since the children most of us work with are not typical, that generally means thinking in new and interesting ways.  Solutions have to be adapted to the specific needs of that child and may require a number of unsuccessful attempts before the right solution is found.

Here are some simple steps to remember as you seek out the solutions for any overwhelming problems you are facing:

Name The Problem: By defining the kernel of the problem, you address the primary issue. Write down the specific challenge you need to face. For example: "In what ways can we keep the other members of the family safe, as well as this child, during a rage episode?".  This helps you narrow your focus.

Consider Your Attitude: If you feel judged or pressured it is much more difficult to feel open to new possibilities. You might need some quiet time, a good night’s sleep, or some venting time with a friend or coach before you will be able to make a decision from the right frame of mind. For example: Many parents go into IEP meetings at school feeling defensive about their child and come across as argumentative or controlling. By addressing their attitude before going into a meeting, a parent will be able to step back and ask the other person about their perspective. (This is along the lines of Stephen Covey’s principle of "Seek first to understand.")

Brainstorm Your Options: I often share a good laugh with parents as we are brainstorming because we start with the wildest suggestion we can think of. By including even the ideas we would never actually act upon, it opens our minds to think of options we would never have considered. This is a fun exercise to do with your spouse or when you are feeling really stressed. For example: I often show parents a cartoon that has a mom releasing crabs all over the bedroom floor after tucking in her son as she says, "Now if you stay in bed there won’t be a problem..."(Please don’t try this at home!  There are better uses for crabs.  Anyway the crabs escape almost as quickly as the child...).  This type of out-of-the-box thinking leads to discussing more realistic ways to respond as well as relieving frustration.

Ask for Help:  Develop (and use!) a network of other people who have been in similar circumstances and can share their knowledge. For example: Participating in parent support groups is a great way to hear about other families’ solutions. For more information about resources in your area, contact your local Foster Parent Association or Adoptive Families Association (In BC Contact: www.bcadoption.com) or parent resource agencies (Special Needs Adoptive Parents, www.snap.bc.ca ). Note that even if you are not a foster or adoptive parent, these associations allow you to join, access materials and provide valuable newsletters and training information.

Plan Long-Term: Too often we try to manage crisis situations with band-aid solutions rather than thinking long-term. Ask yourself, "Will this option completely address the problem or is it a temporary fix?". It is usually worth it to make a long-term plan that to have to repeatedly waste time "solving" the same problem. For example: One family that I used to work with had a garage door with small glass windows at the top. The basketball hoop hung just about the garage door and, as you might expect with three active boys, those windows were toast! But, instead of replacing these panes with panels of wood, the dad kept putting in new glass. If you want to get different results, be willing to change your response. 

For more help solving problems, feel free to contact me at 1-877-261-6361. I offer free 30-minute consultations (subject to appointment availability) and have now caught up on my waiting list so space is finally available for new clients.  Or send me an e-mail with your question.

FREE RESOURCE
This month everyone who responds before Jan. 20 will receive a free pdf worksheet called "Creativity and Problem Solving." Just e-mail me your request at Tanya@ForestCottageCentre.com. If you like, include with your request a brief description of your most creative solution to a parenting problem. 

Have a great month!  

-Tanya Helton, Parent Coach

Upcoming Workshops

Feb. 27, 2004 (Kelowna, BC):  Tanya will be presenting   "Understanding Attachment Disorder", sponsored by the Foster Parent Association.  To register contact Joan Kirkbride, Coordinator at 250-868-9285 or e-mail joankirkbride@shaw.ca.   Cost: $45 per person, $40 for foster or adoptive parents/SNAP members, $50 at the door.

March 5-7, 2004 (Grande Prairie, AB): Forest Cottage will be hosting a Moms' Retreat at the Holiday Inn and attached Mirage Salon & Spa.  Join us for a relaxing weekend away.  Enjoy great meals, sunset coaching circles and spa treatments.  Detailed registration packages will be available shortly.  For more information, e-mail Tanya@ForestCottageCentre.com, or watch www.ForestCottageCentre.com for details.

May 11, 2004 (Prince George):  Tanya and Dr. Geoffrey Ainsworth, Child Psychiatrist at BC Children's Hospital will co-present "Understanding Attachment Disorder," at the Children, Families, and Communities Conference.  For registration and session information visit www.cfcc-pg.ca .

Specials

We are clearing our stock and offering sales* on the following items:

• 2,002 Ways to Show Your Kids You Love Them by Cyndi Haynes, small paperback book ($14.00)
• A Gift for My Son: Understanding, Loving and Guiding the Difficult Child by Mary Wuestefeld, paperback - $25.00
  Winning the Homework Battle by Jim Fay and Foster Cline (2-tape set) - $20.00
• Grief, Trauma and Loss by Foster Cline (2-tape set) - $20.00

Some packages have been opened for display purposes but are not worn. 

• Calming the Chaos: Behaviour improvement strategies for the child with ADHD by Jim Fay and Foster Cline (2-tape set) - $15.00
• ADD: Workable Solutions By Jim Fay and Ray Levy(2-tape set) - $15.00
• Healing Trust: Rebuilding the Broken Bond for the Child with Reactive Attachment Disorder by Nancy Thomas (2-tape set) - $12.00