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Forest Cottage Centre Email Newsletter:
February 2003
The Nature of Love
Everywhere we go these days there is an emphasis on
Valentine’s and love. No longer the realm of
sweethearts alone, Valentine’s has evolved into
a time to express your attachment to your loved ones
and beyond. There are even cards for your pets. Sadly,
some parents feel like it would be easier to express
love for anyone (or thing) than their difficult child.
Love for a child with attachment difficulties does
not look the same as it does for other children. As
a wise woman (my mom) said the other day:
“They say to give children roots and then let
them fly, implying that they will come back. But the
sad fact is that some of these kids never do. When
we let go, it might be forever.”
It is really hard to love a child who does some
yucky things, but even harder to know that success
for this child may be negligible and not involve long
term contact with parents. On the other hand, many
of these children CAN improve and learn conscience,
empathy and even love. The joy that parents of challenging
children feel when they begin to see glimpses of love
towards others is truly amazing. We go through rough
patches and continue to do our best for challenging
children not because of what we will get out of it
but because of what they might get out of it. That’s
the nature of love – giving to another with no
guarantee of reward.
Tanya Hearts Exercise
Many children with attachment and emotional difficulties
recognize that their hearts do not feel the same as
those around them. Though they know that society in
general views hearts as being “red,” their
early traumas and memories have caused them to feel
evil and angry inside. Adults often struggle with
how to help these children identify the emotions they
feel, especially because most of these children cannot
identify emotions by name. This exercise provides
a means of communicating the basic emotions these
children can identify and use both verbally and using
art. It constantly amazes me how children from 3+
immediately grasp the relationship of red to happy,
blue to sad, and black to mad.
Note: Use this exercise only with children who have
developed a measure of trust or rapport with you,
remembering that even if you sense a child is lying
about their internal state the point of the exercise
is EDUCATION about very basic emotional states. It
is not intended for use as an evaluative measure.
Procedure:
-
In advance: Draw a large heart
with a black marker on a page. Photocopy template.
Color three different copies, one red, one blue,
one black.
-
Using an feelings worksheet or
draw three different faces displaying the emotions
of happy, mad and sad.
-
Show the child the three colored
hearts.
• Discuss the red heart and how it lets us
love other people. It is soft and lets love in.
Show the happy face as an example of someone with
a red heart.
• Discuss the blue heart and how it reflects
sadness. It is the color of someone who has been
hurt (physically or emotionally). Show the sad face
as an example.
• Discuss the black heart and how it reflects
anger. It is the color of someone who is very mad
and needs to protect their heart. Blackness makes
a heart hard. It hardens to protect it from pain
and to prevent love from getting in.
• Note that there are many emotions and that
anyone can have a mixture of any number of colors
(emotions) in their heart at any time.
-
Ask the child which color they
most identify with. Ask them to use a heart template
to draw a diagram of how their heart is feeling
that day.
-
This exercise can be used at regular
intervals to chart emotions and to continue to educate
children about their emotions and the corresponding
facial expressions.
New Resources in Our Library
The Out Of Sync Child Has Fun: Activities For
Kids With Sensory Integration Dysfunction by
Carol Stock Kranowitz
Tapes - Reaching Minds Series by Dr. Mel
Levine (author of All Kinds of Minds).
Tapes may be rented for $5 + Postage ($20 deposit
per tape). Tapes vary in length.
Purchased from the USA, this series provides great
in-car learning about ways to support your child on
the following topics:
-
Self Esteem: How It Is Lost And
Found During Childhood
-
The Fright And The Plight: When
They’re Not Reading Right
-
Helping Teenagers With Learning
Problems: Uncover, Discover Or Recover Their Strengths
-
What We Are Learning About Brains
That Aren’t Learning
-
Leading Young Creators And Creating
Young Leaders
-
When Language Languishes: A Common
Source Of Childhood Failure
-
Strategies For Learning Strategically
-
The Wrath Of Math In The Early
Grades
-
“Sorry This Seat Is Saved:
Social Failure And Rejection In Childhood
-
The Reality Of Temperament
-
Attention Deficits: Understanding
Children With No Locus For Their Focus
Upcoming Workshops
Tanya will be providing one-day workshops
on Attachment Disorder in British Columbia at:
Parksville March 3, 2003
Richmond March 5, 2003
To register or for more information on the above workshops,
e-mail Emilie at The Society of Special Needs Adoptive
Parents (emilie@snap.bc.ca).
Victoria TBA (Tentative March 2003)
Special Offer – Free Coaching Day
Monday, February 17th
Open Phone-In Coaching Day on Monday, February 17th
between 8am – 8 pm PST.
Call Toll-Free 1-877-261-6361.
Want to ask a question? Have some coaching on a specific
area? Know a parent who could use a sample of coaching?
CALL ME!
During this time I will provide 20 min. coaching sessions
on a first-come, first-serve basis to anyone who calls.
This is an excellent opportunity to call me for a
quick tune-up or to refer someone you know. Great
for social workers and professionals who want some
coaching too. If the line is busy, try again after
a few minutes.
**********
If you know of others who would like to receive Forest
Cottage Newsletter for free, please forward this to
them. New subscribers will also receive a FREE e-booklet
"Ways Others Can Help Moms of Challenging Children."
Comments or questions? Contact Tanya Helton, M.Sc.,
Life Coach at Forest Cottage Centre Inc.
Phone Toll-Free 1-877-261-6361, E-mail fcc@fsj.net,
www.ForestCottageCoaching.com
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About Forest Cottage
Centre
Forest Cottage Centre provides
attachment-based support for parents of severe behaviour
or special needs children, attachment Disorder resources
and training and workshops for professionals working
with challenging children. Services include individual
and group sessions, workshops and retreats.
© 2003 Forest Cottage
Centre. All rights reserved. You are free to use material
from this newsletter in whole or in part, as long
as you include complete attribution and copyright
information, including live web site link and email
link. Please also notify Forest Cottage where and
when the material will appear.
Comments or questions? Contact
Tanya Helton, M.Sc., Life Coach at Forest Cottage
Centre Inc.
Phone Toll-Free 1-877-261-6361
Tanya@ForestCottageCentre.com
www.ForestCottageCentre.com
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